My Life: Green Eggs and Ham

Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss was probably one of my favorite children’s book when I was growing up.

It’s strange how I overlooked this book and the message behind its story.

“I am Sam
Sam I am”
-Sam I am

A happy little fellow who proclaims himself as “Sam I am” asks the protagonist, “Do you like green eggs and ham?”

“I do not like green eggs and ham.
I do not like them, Sam-I-am.”
-the grumpy protagonist

Throughout the whole story, the protagonist tries to run away from Sam in the most bizarre and built up scenarios.

The truth is:
The protagonist already assumed he didn’t like green eggs and ham, when he never tried it before.
Sam already knew this (and even the fact that the protagonist will, at the end, like the green eggs and ham), so he kept insisting the protagonist to try the green eggs and ham in different situations.

“Would you like them here or there?”
-Sam I am

As the readers can clearly see, the protagonist was annoyed and bothered by the situations that Sam had brought him in.
BUT these situtions were actually opportunities for the protagonist to try some of the green eggs and ham for himself.

How does this relate to my life?
 Just like the grumpy protagonist, I automatically assume that I do not like something without even trying it.
In my own delusion I proudly say “I don’t like it.”
But the painful truth is, I usually end up liking the thing that I already rejected.
 
For me, Sam I am reminds me of the person of God, Jesus.
I see him small, but he’s always confident and knows what’s right for me.
He keeps telling me to “Try it” and I refuse to try it because of my stubbornness.
He gives me so many opportunities to try it, but I still refuse.
As all the tension builds up, everything falls apart.
Then I realize, what God was telling me to do.

Once I “Try it”. Then, I realize that “I do like it!” 

…hopefully someday I’ll be able to say:

“I do so like green eggs and ham!
Thank you!
Thank you, Sam-I-am” 
-the grumpy protagonist 

I’m still learning how to be truly thankful for Jesus.
For now, I guess I need to “Try it” - a.k.a. TAKE RISKS!
  

Time to Change my Wardrobe.

Today I wore all black and made a cute little girl cry.

I think it’s time…

A Meaning of Grace

For a long time, I was in complete delusion and fed myself with lies.

I always thought to myself that I would have a friend who will always stick with me through the end.
But right now, all of them are gone or not beside me.

I relied on my own little brother, but he’s limited in giving me “love”.
Even in church. They have given me so much love, but they also had limits.

I never in my life cried out for what I truly “wanted”.

God kept on crying out for me, but I was too foolish to listen to him.

I still couldn’t understand him while I believed in myself that I did.

In the end, it’s grace that’s keeping me alive.
If Jesus had not died in the cross for me, I wouldn’t be alive right now.

I was blinded by my own stubbornness and foolishness to realize that I have people in my life:
The first who ever loved me is God, himself.
The second is my family, who loves me despite how messed up I am.

God one of your grace in my life is a loving family, who will give up their life for me:  
A prayer warrior mother, who has a lot of stubbornness but she will work her ass off to take care of others, especially her family.
A patient and giving father, who has many anxieties in life but he will go beyond his fears for the sake of his children.
A very smart and kind-hearted brother who is growing along with his selfish ways but he is very understanding and acts upon his duties for the sake of his loved ones.

Lord despite my poverty in home, despite my unstable mind and emotions, despite my rudeness to others, despite my selfishness and self-righteousness:
You have loved me so much, that you gave me a family who will love me despite my limitations and sins.

Lord, help me to see their love for me.
Lord, help me to see the love of Christ in them.
Lord, help me to receive your love.
Love me, how you love your children.
Help me to embrace my weaknesses and the person of who I am.
Help me with my anxieties when I feel like the world is ending.
Love me in a way that will cast out all my fears.
Change me Lord so I can love others, the way you love me.
Help me to remember you and the grace you have given me each day.
Lord, I hope one day, I will reach your kingdom and be at your side as your daughter.

A Humbling Day

Today was a humbling day.
I felt like I was punched in the face, but I needed it! :)

(Damn I’m such a bitch!)

What it means to love others is having patience with them: embracing that they aren’t perfect, spending time with them, and understanding their stories.

God, you have told me over and over about this issue, but I still didn’t understand.

Despite messing up and probably causing some damage, Lord I know that I can lean on you and that you will give me grace; Jesus.

God break my stubbornness and control.

Humble me each day to show me that I need you and that I can not do any of this alone.

Lord fix up the cracks I have created through my selfishness.

Help me to love others the way you have loved me.

To do that, help me to know that I need you and that I am messed up.

Help me to be still and go to you.

I hope I will not rush into conflicts but wait patiently for you to move.

——————————————————————————————-

How I messed up:

I thought that I was the shit. (spiritually, which is pretty pathetic)

I felt like I had to be energetic all the damn time or keep it too raw. (more like bitching out)

I made others feel uncomfortable.

I wasn’t recieving any love back and I was blinded by the practical truth.

Rather than to live for God, I made it about myself. On what I thought God wanted me to do, but it wasn’t.

It’s Hard at Times…

My life was never stable, including myself.

I realized, I can’t rely on people or anyone to truly understand me.

But it’s from God alone who can show me that.

Blah…. It’s so TOUGH!!!!!

I get scared so many times and I feel like I’m doing this alone….

God, help me to see you bigger.

I honestly cannot do this alone, plus my mind and heart is not stable enough to do so.

So God, I will wait.

I will do my best what I can do.

Help me to remember you and help me to know that you are here next to me.

In Times of My Anxiety

~I’ll write this down before I forget and then look back at it~

Whenever I feel anxious and get lost in my anxiety, I think of the most harshest thoughts (mostly toward myself).
I blame on all my faults of “What I could have done” or “What I should have done”.
The saying, “What’s done is done” is so true.

Things that help me to get back to God and help me focus on my heavenly/earthly duties are:

1. Listen to my leaders, because they know their shit! And the plain truth that God placed them in my life! :)

2. To journal, or look back into my previous entries. Then I realize, God was telling me the same crap over and over. (At least I’m growing) xD

3. Pray, because I talk to God one on one. It somehow makes me feel sane, although this world may see me insane! >:)

4. Read the Bible, and hear God’s truth. I just read for God’s awesome stories he shared with my other fellow bros or sis’ in Christ. It makes my life seem more sane as I read/confirm that God is alive. :D

5. Revisit my favorite nostalgic childhood stories, AKA Disney films. For some odd reason God speaks to me powerfully in them! The magical world, of the protagonists knowing there is something more out there, knowing they are someone more, becoming someone heroic/beautiful/brave/etc etc. (The beautifully orchestrated songs complement this) That magical element is something indescribable that I can only see from God himself! :)

6. God himself, giving grace in my life. (Christ) Something that comes randomly, something that I do not deserve. God always pull through even if I run away. It makes me gasp in “Wow”, of knowing that he is alive and moving in my life. A form of love that excels the worldly definition of “love”. A kindness that brings me tears of joy. (Summarize: God comes in when I don’t expect it but when he does, SHIT GOES DOWN, in a good way) <3

The Meaning Behind “Ohana”

My brother made me watch clips from Lilo and Stitch.
This movie is better than I originally thought and it’s probably one of my top favorite Disney movies! 

I LOVE their motif on “Ohana” or “family”.

“Ohana means family, family means nobody gets left behind. Or forgotten”

-Lilo

Stitch is an alien from outer space, who later finds a place that he can call “home” and becomes part of a loving “family”.

Family is such an important “need” in my life, and this movie spoke to me in that sense.

When Lilo “needs” Stitch to be there for her, Stitch also “needs” Lilo to be there for him.

Same thing as being in “part” of God’s family or the “body”.
Every part needs one another.

“Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be?”

“If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.”

-N/A (1 Corinthians 12)

I’m really glad to be part of a community, my family in Christ.
Being part of the body helps me to see within myself, see how messed up I am and motivates me to change (just like Stitch).

Hopefully I’ll be able to do the same for them.

You know how Stitch is this crazy, sadistic, angry runaway alien but he later softens his heart because of unconditional love? And then you get to see the cute side of him?
That’s me! :)

Animation: The Sleeping Princess Idea/Sketch/Draft

This is a story of a modern tale mixed with a fairy-like tale.

————————————————————————————

Voice: “Wake up my child. Remember who you are.”
A girl opens her eyes and wakes up in a train.

(modern tale setting)———————————————-

(in a dull/boring setting)

The girl is commuting from school and sees superficial portrayals of how a “girl” is viewed in the world. (slutty, romantic, bitchy, and stereotypical)

Slutty: The the girls’ appearance in the train.
Romantic: A commercial billboard showing romance.
Bitchy: Reality TV show of girl’s fighting.

Stereotypical: Magazine highlighting cuteness of an asian female.

Girl: (monologue) “It’s strange. I feel like I don’t belong in this world. It’s almost as if I’m forgetting something, or someone.”

After getting irritated at seeing a magazine cover, she flips the table full of books/papers.

Girl: (screams) “ARGHH!!! I’m sick of this world! I DON’T UNDERSTAND! How do people like this boring crap???!!!!”
 

She notices a book titled “Tales as Old as Time” (ripped off from Beauty and the Beast film) lying on the floor.

Girl: (to herself) “I remember this… I’ll just reread it for fun…”

The girl takes the book and reads the story called “The Sleeping Princess”.

(fairytale setting)———————————————-

(The girl’s narrative voice, in a symbolic setting)

In a glorious kingdom high above the skies and stars…

Lives an almighty King, who is known for his goodness and his righteousness.

The King has many children, some of his children are living in his kingdom and some of his children are living in the “World”.
All of his children were heir to his throne, each being a prince and a princess to his kingdom.

One of his daughters, a princess, had duties to spread his love of his children throughout the “World”.

Because the princess lived in the “World”, The King warned the princess not to enter the woods.
For in the dark woods, lives a Witch who is cunning and evil.
The Evil Witch plans to steal her away from The King and his kingdom.

One day, the princess ignored her father’s warning and said “Father has no knowledge of what he says. No woods is going to stop me.”, and she foolishly entered the deep woods.

In the woods, the princess saw a grand castle that seemed rich and yet somewhat vain.
The castle pleased the princess’ eyes, so in curiosity she went inside.
Inside, she saw a handsome prince, who was actually the Evil Witch in disguise.

The prince asked the princess if she wanted to become a “girl” who is adored by the “World”.

In excitement and with more curiosity, the princess begged and pleaded to become this “girl”.

The Evil Witch casted a spell on the princess.
A spell of deep slumber with dreams that were full of lies and despair.

The King knew what had happened to his precious daughter, so he sent his son, The Prince, to save her.
The Prince quickly infiltrated the Evil Witch’s castle and he defeated the Evil Witch.

He broke the Witch’s spell but the princess did not arise.

“Wake up princess, for I have saved you.” he said.

But the princess kept on sleeping, forgetting who she is and dreaming of dreams that had stolen her heart of The Prince.

“No. I want to sleep.” she replied in slumber.

The prince softly said “My foolish princess, when will you come back to me? Wake up my child. Remember who you are. (dialogue from the beginning)”

The prince sat down and he waits for the princess’ awakening.

(back to modern tale setting)———————————————-

After reading the story, the girl tears up realizing what she had forgotten.

Girl: (crying) “I am sorry Father. I didn’t listen to you…”

A light glows as she is crying, and the girl sees The Prince appearing before her.

The Prince: (gently) “Welcome back my precious daughter.”
The girl smiles in joy.

The prince held out his hand and says “Come, follow me. We still have much to do for this “World”. Let’s go back home, together”.

Together, the princess and The Prince enter the King’s kingdom.

(ends with a white fade out)———————————————-